Man I really wish I knew what questions he was going to ask me in this interview. He wasn't very descriptive with his phone call, and I hate trying to answer shit off the top of my head. Not that I can't do it but damn, what's a guy to say when he's not prepared?

Callin Thedrunks, former XWA Interviewer, sits in a cushioned chair in front of a blue and black, marble in appearance background. Callin vowed to never again interview another wrestler after his unfortunate experience when he interviewed Garret Decree (Authors Note: Only former XWAers will get that, if they remember). But when Sal Paradise gave him a call and asked him to begin a segment for UWN Magazine called UWN Exclusive, after careful deliberation, Callin agreed to do it. Today he sits down with Zyliss to kick off UWN Exclusive.

Callin: Welcome Zyliss. Let me just say I'm glad you agreed to do this. I thought interviewing one of the UWN's newest faces would be a great way to get this segment started.

Zyliss: Sure thing.

Callin: Well let's get started. A lot of people are wondering just what your background in wrestling is. We know that the UWN is your first televised wrestling federation, but beyond that we are all in the dark. Would you care to enlighten us?

Zyliss: Callin, I've probably said this ten thousand times since I first began wrestling, the past is of no importance, it's the future that matters. But I suppose, giving everybody a little background information wouldn't hurt.

Callin: Excellent.

Zyliss: I first began wrestling about 7 years ago for a small time indy fed by the name of Anarchy Wrestling Federation. It was one of those feds that specialized in hardcore wrestling, so pretty much any and every single match I was in was hardcore. One hell of a way to start, but it was in the AWF that I began to hone my skills and became known for rarely using weapons at all. Sure, I indulged in it once in a while, but I wanted to wrestle, plain and simple. Hardcore wrestling does nothing more than give wrestlers a chance to bleed, and that wasn't at all what I wanted. After about 6 months in the AWF, I was recruited to a larger indy fed called Action Championship Wrestling. It was there that I truly began to develop my wrestling ability, and I stuck with that federation for 5 and a half years. It was then, during an ACW International Title match, that I suffered a severe right shoulder injury. What happened was I had been thrown over the top rope and hit the floor in a very awkward position, all 300 pounds of me crushing down on my shoulder. That not only broke my shoulder, but tore every ligament and tendon I had. I spent an entire year in rehab, counting the time my shoulder was healing, because I wanted to make sure my shoulder was 100% before I went back to wrestling. When it was, I signed on here with the UWN.

Callin: So are we to understand that you were rehabbing your shoulder before it was even out of the cast?

Zyliss: No. I guess I worded that wrong. What I meant is that counting the time my shoulder was in the cast and healing from the surgery, I was out of the wrestling business for an entire year.

Callin: Oh, I see now. Now onto my next question, which seems to be a popular one as well. Where did you grow up, and how old are you?

I had to chuckle. Somehow I knew this question would come up, and as much as I didn't want to answer it, I figured what the hell. If the fans want to know that badly, I just as well tell them and get it over with.

Zyliss: I'm 28 years old. I spent a few years saving up the money to go to wrestling school after I graduated high school because I hate loans. I grew up in a small Iowa town called Van Meter. Van Meter is one of those towns where there's nothing better to do but watch TV and raise hell. So when I wasn't raising hell, I was watching TV and I can remember watching the WWF when I was a kid. That's what first got me interested in wrestling and I've stuck with it ever since.

Callin: Raising hell huh? So you have a criminal record?

Zyliss: *chuckles* Not hardly. Most of the hell raising I did was typical teenage bull***t. Spinning donuts in the neighbors field, egging houses and soaping windows on Halloween, drinking on the 50 yard line the night before a big game. You know, just typical teenage ***t that we all do when we don't know any better but would like to think we know it all.

Callin: Understandable. So you were a football player too then?

Zyliss: Yep. I played football all 4 years of high school. Wasn't a glamorous player or anything like that. Good enough to be on Varsity but not what you would call a superstar player. What can I say? I was huge.

Callin: Yeah, I kinda guessed that. So let's move on to the future. Are you planning on sticking with the UWN? Or do you have your sights set elsewhere?

Yet another question I wasn't thrilled to be answering. I'm a take-it-as-it-comes-at-me kind of guy, so planning too far ahead isn't my favorite thing to do.

Zyliss: Unless there's another federation that can beat the UWN in the ratings game, then I'll keep myself committed here. There's no doubt that the UWN is the best federation to hit television since the XWA; and that crap WWE doesn't compare to it in any way, shape, or form. Especially with has-beens like Scott Steiner still main eventing. And truthfully speaking, I like it here. Despite my recent run-ins with wrestlers like Eternity and Avenger, I find the competition here to be better than any fed I've ever wrestled for. Yeah, the AWF and ACW had their few top notch wrestlers, but there wasn't the same spirit of dedication and competition as there is here. I don't give a damn what anybody says, even the curtain jerkers put up a good challenge.

Callin: Speaking of curtain jerking, why do you seem to be so proud of being a curtain jerker?

I saw this question coming from the moment I hung up the phone after Callin called me. I was definitely ready to answer it.

Zyliss: Let's face it Callin, there's not a wrestler alive that's proud to be a curtain jerker. It doesn't matter if it's me or Dante, nobody likes to do it. But the way I see it, you aren't a real man unless you're comfortable with yourself and what you do. Truth be told it's not that I'm proud to be a curtain jerker, but that I'm comfortable with it. I know that the only way I'm going to get anywhere in the UWN is by putting my time in at the bottom of the card. So until my curtain jerking days are over, I'm fine with it.

Callin: Well the past few weeks have certainly shown you can wrestle with the big dogs; and judging by your Chaos title match against BasketKase this week, I'd say your curtain jerking days are over. Hell, you're higher up on the card this week than some of the UWN's longest running wrestlers.

Zyliss: Yeah but this is a title match. I seriously doubt the UWN will book a title match to open a show unless it's a pay per view, and even then it's doubtful.

Callin: True. Speaking of pay per views, what do you have to say about Shelia Lavin teaming up with the Aggression Pact for Wargames?

Zyliss: Truthfully speaking, it matters not to me. From what I've seen Shelia is a great competitor, so as long as she doesn't choke I don't have a problem with it.

Callin: I see. I'd like to touch on something you said recently about how titles mean nothing. Why is this your opinion?

Heh, yet another question I was fully prepared to answer.

Zyliss: When I said that I didn't give my full reasoning behind my opinion. But as I also said, titles can be won if a champion is caught having an "off-week" so to speak. And just like any other match, title matches are won depending on a variety of different reasons. Whether it be interference or whatever, unless a wrestler wins a title on his or her own sheer skill, they say nothing about a wrestlers talent and ability. It happens no matter what federation you're in; and it will continue to happen because that's just the way it is anymore. And when a wrestler brags about the titles he or she has held, it doesn't impress me. In fact it makes me look down on them.

Callin: I'd say you look down on pretty much any opponent you have.

Zyliss and Callin share a chuckle.

Zyliss: But I'm speaking in a metaphorical sense. When a wrestler goes on and on about being the first ever World Heavyweight Champ, being the first grand slam champ, whatever, I can't help but wonder what kind of wrestler they really are. Granted, being the first Heavyweight Champ or grand slam champ of a fed is an accomplishment to be proud of, but with wrestlers like Eternity and Avenger who throw it in their opponents faces for the mere purpose of bragging, it makes me wonder if they are even really worth my time. I mean I don't agree to wrestle somebody that wants to brag about what they've done and every other f*cking thing he's concerned with except me. I'm a wrestler just as anybody else is, and I think I at least deserve to be acknowledged by my opponent rather than written off as some nobody that doesn't matter. We all do our part to keep the UWN running smoothly and there's no reason why any of us should be treated like we're garbage.

Callin: I'd have to agree with you on that. Now let's move on to your match this week. Are you hoping to win that Chaos title?

Zyliss: Hell yes I am. Provided I win it in the only way I know how to: by my own skill. If I win the title through interference or whatever, I'm not gonna be happy with it because I didn't accomplish the win on my own. That's who I am. I do it on my own or I don't do it at all.

Callin: So what would you do should you win the title in an unfashionable manner?

Zyliss: Well like I said, I wouldn't be happy with it, but I'd accept it. I'd just have to prove my worth in my first title defense. That's the difference between me and some of these other wrestlers. They win a title and think that's it, I don't have to work anymore because I've got what I want. But that's the thinking of a fool. I know I'll have to work even harder once I win a title; and I'm prepared to do just that.

Callin: Okay now I'm confused. First you say you hate to plan ahead, yet you're telling me you're prepared for this and that. Would you start making sense already?

I had to laugh again. What's the fun of being interviewed if I can't f*ck with the interviewer?

Zyliss: There's a difference between planning ahead and being prepared, Callin. If you prepare yourself for any situation that may arise, you're better off to deal with it the way you want to deal with it. When you plan ahead you set goals and then work to acheive them.

Callin: I guess I see what you're saying. Well, my final question is this: do you have any goals?

Zyliss: I'm always setting goals for myself. Like last week I wanted to gain weight, and I did. But I don't set goals that are too far out of reach. I like to think of myself as a logical person, and so I try to set reasonable goals that I know I can acheive in a reasonable amount of time. I mean when I first debuted in the UWN did I say I was going to win the UWN Championship right off the bat? No, because I knew that wasn't a possibility. So I set my goals towards getting myself established, then take it from there.

Callin: Well thanks for your time.

Zyliss: No problem.

Whoo, I'm glad that's over. That was a long freakin' interview, and I know that rat bastard started asking questions off the top of his head. Damn him. I outta kick him in the nuts. Well, naw... it's time to hit the gym. I noticed a bit of flab when I woke up this morning.