(OOC: This is a UWN magazine article about Zyliss. Written by none other than... well, find out!)
Truly there are few guys as stupid as Zyliss. But I wanted to unravel all the idiotic ramblings and newcomer talk and get down to the gooey caramel center of this 6'7" mumbler. What I found was not pretty. It was smelly and slimy and kinda stung my eyes.
So Zyliss had me meet him at this fruity little Marshmallow place he's always going to. He kept me waiting for a good half hour and I actually watched him walk by the place 3 or 4 times before he finally came in.
Strong Bad: What the crap were you doing out there?
Zyliss: Out where?
Strong Bad: Outside! I watched you prance by like 5 times man!
Zyliss: Oh, I doubt it, I drove.
Strong Bad: You don't own a car!
Zyliss: Yeah, you're probably right.
Strong Bad: Okay, let's get down to brass tacks.
Zyliss: Oh, I didn't bring any, I drove.
Strong Bad hangs his head.
Strong Bad: Oh, this is gonna be painful.
Zyliss: What? The tacks? I bet. Try not to sit on 'em.
Strong Bad: No stupid. This is an interview!
Zyliss: Oh, well then allow me to introduce myself. My name is Zyliss, and I feel that I would be a great asset to your company.
Strong Bad: Okay, shut up. First question, what's your freakin' problem?
Zyliss: Well if you take a look at my resume (pronouncing it ra-zoom), you'll see that I have quite a bit of experience in many business-related fields.
Strong Bad: Cut the crap, just tell me what your freakin' problem is!
Zyliss: I can't really think of any.
Strong Bad: UGH! Moving on. I hear that you enjoy prancing around like an idiot, is this true?
After asking this question, Zyliss stood up, walked outside, and began prancing around like an idiot, singing "La de duh duh duh". Then, he came back in.
Strong Bad: Well, I guess that answers my question.
Zyliss walks back in and sits down.
Strong Bad: Okay, next question. What's up with your girlfriend Jaina? What's her deal?
Zyliss: She told me today that she thinks your baking has really improved lately.
Strong Bad: Oh, my baking eh? I do enjoy baking every once and again.
Zyliss: Interesting, I'll take note of that. So what else do you enjoy doing in your spare time?
Zyliss pulls out a memo pad and a pen and begins to write this stuff down.
Strong Bad: Well I like to do the jungle sometimes and... hey, wait! I'm asking the questions here! So... who do you think would win in a fight.... Strong Sad (Strong Bad's brother) or... the Cheat? (Strong Bad's sidekick)
Zyliss: Oh that is so totally unfair. The Cheat would win with both hands duct taped behind his back, and these little pieces of duct tape covering his eyes, and Strong Sad could have a spear even.
Just then, due to the creative guys in the A/V trailer, a bubble pops up above Zyliss' head. Inside the bubble are Strong Sad and the Cheat. The Cheat's hands are duct taped behind his back and he has little pieces of duct tape covering his eyes. Zyliss imagines the The Cheat nailing Strong Sad with his head, knocking Strong Sad over, and the spear flying through the air, only to have it come down and cut the duct tape around his hands. The Cheat then pulls off the duct tape over his hands and picks up the spear.
Strong Bad: Ooh... good answer. We might have to set that up sometime.
Zyliss: Yeah... yeah. That'd be great.
Strong Bad: But, it can only go downhill from here, so... get outta my face!
Zyliss stands up and leaves the Marshmallow stand, prancing along like an idiot as he did earlier in this roleplay. End of article.
Disclaimer: All events, happenings, etc. as well as what was said, was a complete ripoff of the actual Strong Bad interview- which was conducted by Strong Bad and in fact he was interviewing Homestar Runner. Check out http://www.homestarrunner.com for the actual interview