E: No... it just can't be... no...
That's it? That's IT?! That's all we get from one half of the BLPW Tag Champs who's normally in a really good mood and has tons to say? This just can't be. But wait... his mouth is opening again.
Oh christ.... this is hopeless. But, just when all looks dark and dreary, his mouth opens again.
E: Can't be...
Dammit! It's just f*cking hopeless! Then, the Mechanic walks in the room and sees his brother in his stunned-type state. He looks at him for a moment, then slaps him across the back of the head. However, it doesn't do any good.
M: Are you still moping over not having a match at the pay per view?
Suddenly, the Electrician snaps out of it. He looks at his brother with intent-to-kill in his eyes. He jerks to his feet, not using his hands to stand, and grabs his brother by the shirt collar.
E: What did you say?! You better not of said what I think you said! I've had a match at every single pay per view since I began my professional career! And I'll be damned if I'm going to let this one go by without having a match!!
The Electrician shoves the Mechanic into the wall and then jets out of the apartment, screaming gibberish as he runs. Slamming the door behind him, the sound of someone tumbling down the stairs shortly follows. The Mechanic, who's now wiped the look of bewilderment off his face, spots the camera and tries to play it cool as if he didn't notice his brother slamming him against the wall.
M: Don't worry, he'll be fine. He's just so used to keeping busy that he can't stand it when he doesn't have a match.
Anyway, I heard Osiris babbling on about this and that, two and seven, six and a half, b and f and how his grandma's panties are rather comfortable. And something about how he thinks he's good because he beat a jobber and insulting me to some extent. One would think I'd respond to this with insults of my own, but I got more important things to worry about, like Mike Payne and the Western title.
Unfortunately, Payne hasn't found the time to do his share of babbling yet, so I think I'll just focus on the Western title and how shiny it is.
The Mechanic closes his eyes as he sits down in his air-chair. Due once again to the creative people in the A/V trailer, we see a bubble appear above the Mechanic's head. Inside the bubble is the BLPW Western title. A shimmer of light skims across the title, giving its gold that super-shiny effect. Then, the bubble pops.
M: Dammit! I've always had trouble keeping focused. Oh well, I think I'll think about how I'm going to beat Mike Payne now.
Once again, a bubble appears above the Mechanic's head. Inside is the BLPW arena and ring, filled with people, but the twist is that this is a cartoon. The Mechanic and Mike Payne haven't had a match yet so there was no footage to put inside the bubble, so it had to improvised. The Mechanic is buff as ever and Mike Payne... well, he's a scrawny little guy. Following the animation, which is very crappy, the cartoon Mechanic taps the cartoon Mike Payne on the forehead just after the bell has rung. The toon Payne falls to the mat, and the toon Mechanic places a foot on the toon Payne's chest. The ref counts the 3 and the bell rings as the toon Mechanic raises his arms in the air and smiles at the crowd. Then, the bubble pops.
M: Dammit! I was enjoying that too! Okay, I guess I'll visualize my victory when I win the Western title. But, since I don't know who I'm going to be facing, I'll just visualize it that Oscillator and Roberts came to a draw somehow and it's a triple threat.
Again, a bubble. The Mechanic is still buff, and Osiris and Roberts are their usual sizes. A cartoon of course. The bell rings and the Mechanic just grabs Robers and Osiris and smashes their heads together, then stands on their chests for the pin. The ref counts the 3 for the double pin then hands the toon Mechanic the toon Western title, then tries to raise his arm in victory. But the toon Mechanic is too tall, and just lifts the ref up as the ref holds onto his wrist and smiles that dashing smile as thousands upon thousands of toon camera flashes go off. Then the bubble... fades away. Now focused on the Mechanic's face.
M: Oh yeah... it's gonna be so damn awesome when I win. It truly is. I wonder what I'm gonna do to celebrate my victory.
A bubble again, but this time it shows the Mechanic in non-cartoon form, with his back to the camera. His arms are moving at a high rate of speed and the sounds of self-gratification can be heard.
M: Erm... I mean...
That bubble pops and another one appears, showing the Mechanic at a bar. His clothes are soaked in beer and beer foam is dripping from his chin as two sexy ladies hang onto him. The bubble pops.
M: Dammit! Why can't I concentrate on the things I really, really enjoy?! Seriously... even when I'm beating it, I mean having sex, I can't concentrate on it. My mind wanders really bad after the first few seconds. For some reason, I always visualize myself in the middle of the jungle, ready to get a bunch of poop flung at me by wild monkeys. Maybe that means I'd like to try some... *cough*anal sex*cough* ... but I dunno.
Anyway, Mike Payne, I'm sure you're still kinda stiff and sore from that beating Roberts gave you both before and during your match with him. But don't fret young lad, I'm sure you'll be good to go by the time End of the Line rolls around.
The Mechanic walks into the kitchen, still talking as he does so, and opens the door of the fridge.
M: And even if you're not, I'm sure you'll fight anyways. I can remember many times when I've fought with stiff joints and healing cuts. Seems like TOMATOES!!!
The whole camera crew can be heard saying "Huh?" simultaneously as the Mechanic reaches into the fridge and pulls out a whole bowl of cherry tomatoes.
M: Where did you guys come from? Maybe Dave left 'em for me... he knows I love me some tomatoes.
The Mechanic grabs one and shoves the fruit (yes, tomatoes are a fruit, and you probably knew that, I was just saying that because I felt like it) into his mouth. He chews it up and then shoves another in his mouth as he sits down in his air-chair. He speaks with a full mouth, some tomatoe juice spilling down his chin.
M: You know Payne, it's almost ironic how much a wrestling match is like a good tomatoe. Well... okay, a wrestling match is absolutely nothing like a good tomatoe. But... dammit, I have nothing to say, and it can only go downhill from here, so... get outta my face.
The Mechanic begins really grubbin' down on the tomatoes. In fact, he eats half the bowl before the scene fades to black.