We come to air zoomed in on the Electrician's face. It appears normal, ugly as it is, but normal none the less. He doesn't have any type of expression on his face, though his eyes have their usual look of intensity on them. As the camera zooms out, we realize that the setting is in a garage of sorts. Zooming out further, the site of the Electrician with alligator clips attatched to his nipples comes into view. "What the f*ck?!" is heard in the background, but the Electrician's expression does not change. Following the wires that are attatched to the clips, they lead us to a battery charger that is plugged in. The camera focuses once again on the Electrician.
E: What? I've gotta get charged up for my big match against Mr. I'm better than everyone, don't I?
There is about a minute of silence as the camera stays focused on the Electrician, who seems rather relaxed for having the excrusiating pain of alligator clips on his nipples. Finally, he removes them, and shuts off the charger. He looks into the camera, and laughs.
E: So, the truth comes out. Only problem is that the truth isn't the truth at all. See, "Shaitan" would like to think that he can humiliate me in front of the whole world, but in all reality, it's just not possible. I care so little about what everybody else thinks of me that I would show up in my boxers, with a boner, at the Pope's funeral, and I still wouldn't feel humiliated- that's the beauty of it. Come to think of it, I don't care at all what others think of me. It's not something I worry about because I have better things to do with my time. But, if "Shaitan" would like to think that he actually could humiliate me in front of the whole world, then that's his thing.
But now, now he's going to let his actions speak louder than his words. Oooh... (in a very sarcastic tone) never heard that before. (end sarcasm) If I had a nickel for every time I've heard that, I'd be about 25 cents richer right now. And I'd use that 25 cents to buy a pack of gum, because gum is good. Especially bubble gum... cherry flavored bubble gum. Mmm... good stuff. Nothing like a good ol' piece of cherry bubble gum to brighten your day. Come to think of it, I could use some right now.
The Electrician reaches into his pocket and pulls out a package of cherry bubble gum. He pops a piece into his mouth and begins to chew on it loudly, as if to purposely annoy the viewers. When it's finally mushy enough, the Electrician blows a huge bubble, only to have it popped and splattered all over his face when the audio guy accidentally drops the mic, causing it to fall right into the Electrician's face. The Electrician, however, doesn't seem to notice, and continues speaking with the gum all over his face. His voice is slightly muffled.
E: Finally though, I have gotten him to call me names. God I love it. Name calling is so much fun. It's like being back in Kindergarten. So if I look like the toilet brush for an incontinent, obese woman suffering a yeast infection... then "Shaitan" looks like... a poo-poo face. Traditionally, the guy eats the @#%$, but I see mud-diving in this mans off-camera habits. Oh yeah, a traveller of the Hershey Highway for sure- with frequent stops to eat some of the ASS-phault. Maybe you should stop in Vegas sometime "Shaitan," the hookers there really enjoy the occassional freak. Hell, maybe you should move out there and become a giggalo... at least then you could enjoy your love for the chocolatey juices of the human body on a day-to-day basis.
But moving on, now he wants to go and say I have no skill.... that he has the best win to loss ratio for how many matches he's been in, in the BLPW. Uhm... I don't know if you've noticed or not, but I haven't lost a match yet- and it's not going to happen at this week's Epic either. I'm sorry "Shaitan" I really am, but ya know, I just gotta keep kickin' ass. It's not my fault, really it's not. No, honestly, it's not my fault. It's that damn BLPW contract. Something in there about if I get the money rollin' in, I put more money in my back pocket. Now, I'm betting that there's a 50/50 chance I'll either get booed or cheered when I walk into that arena- (yes, that was intentional) but that doesn't matter, because by the time I'm finished with you, they'll be cheering my name 5 times over and the demand for electrical merchandise will rise from 3 tee shirts to 7- more than enough to sell out the entire stock of 7. That's 4 whole tee shirts- a sales increase of 58 percent. Oh yeah... I'm gonna be rolling in the money soon.
The Electrician pauses for a moment for no apparent reason, then continues.
E: But this thing about you being good enough to beat me and anybody else that's in your way. If anything in your entire boring promo was worth a laugh- that was it. It really was. See, you obviously aren't good enough to beat anybody that stands in your way, otherwise wouldn't you be the World Champion now instead of Matt? Of course you would, but you're not that good. Or at least wouldn't you still have the Eastern title right now? Or the Western title? Or whatever title it is that you lost? That's about how much I care about you and your little quest for fame- I can't even remember what title it is that you lost.
But none of that matters now, because what is about to become reality... is about to become reality.
Thinking over in his head what he just said, he continues.
E: The reality that the true competitor between the two of us is me. The reality that the man who has more of a desire to win is me. The reality that the most electrified man in sports entertainment today cannot be beaten by a poo-poo face! Oh yes, the time for reality is approaching fast, and the Electrician is ready to go one on one with the poopy-faced one!
If ya feeeeeeeeeeeeelalalalalalalalalowww, what the Tech is charging!
Just then, in the background, the Electrician's theme "High Voltage" by Linkin Park blares throughout the garage. The Electrician, who's face is still covered in bubble gum, looks through the sticky film into the camera and raises both his eyebrows. The scene fades to black.
The scene opens outside, in the rain, on a grassy hillside. The rain pours down, but that doesn't stop our famous, or rather infamous, Mechanic. He is having the time of his life, rolling down the hill in a giant tire. Meeting him at the bottom of the hill, the Mechanic rolls out of the tire and tries to stand, but falls flat on his ass as he is quite dizzy from the roll down the hill. Instead of standing, he just talks as he lies there, soaking wet and covered in not-so-freshly cut grass.
M: Oscillator... soon enough, we shall meet in the ring...
Suddenly, the Mechanic passes out as if he's too drunk to even stay awake. And he just might be...